Pilot: November 123 on a very short final, understand I'm cleared to land ?
Tower: Oh, who's talking ?
Pilot: Me

Radar: Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees
Pilot: Roger, but we are at 35.000 feet, how much noise can we make up here ?
Radar: Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 707 makes when it hits a 727 ?

Radar: CRX 500, are you on a course to SUL ?
Pilot: More or less
Radar: So proceed a little bit more to SUL

Tower: N2234, are you a Cessna ?
Pilot: No, I'm a male hispanic

Pilot: ... request heading 110 to avoid"
Radar: To avoid what ?
Pilot: To avoid delay

Pilot: Radar, this is Cessna 4675
Radar: Cessna 4675, go ahead
Pilot: Radar, I dont seem to be making much progress here. How is my groundspeed ?
Radar: Well, all depends. If you are a hang glider, you are doing very well.

Captain: (after landing a bit rough)
Ladies and Gentlemen, it's happy hour. You just received two landings for the price of one.